b e n l y

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11.17.2002

I went to work today, even though I didn't need to... and when I got there I realized there was nothing for me to do. How did this happen? Did I go out of habit? Scary thought.

So anyway. I took off and went to the gym instead cuz I had nothing better to do. There was a fight in the weight room!! Well, more like a heated exchange of words between these two burly guys with no necks. It all started with a simple shoulder bump, supposedly. TOO funny. Would've been perfect for bitchyoucrazy. The two following lines were actually used as comebacks by this one guy:

* "Dude, bro, you need to work on your jealousy problem"
* "Dude, bro, you know how many magazine covers I've been on?"

That second one's a doozy. Had a hard time holding it in when I heard that one. Made me think the whole thing was a big joke (like this one time, at school, these psych students got into this huge fake argument right in front of me about one plagiarizing the other's paper and her failing because of it. Then they tried to have me fill out a questionnaire telling them who I thought was right or wrong. I was so traumatized that I wanted to pretend I was really pissed about the questions and then give THEM a questionnaire about me). Back to the story: The thing is they went on for a whole nuther 15 minutes after that (not even exaggerating). It got old after about two. I wanted to pull them aside and smack their foreheads with my penis and say, "Hey! Remember what this is? Yeah, you used to have one too before you started taking steroids and the size of your ego forced it to retreat back into your crotch!" ...but I didn't because a.) I don't like it when strangers touch mr. winkie and b.) the sheer force of the blow probably would have killed them. Translation: I was too much of a pussy and thought I should mind my own business anyway. Man, I hope I'm not on the path of the jock mentality.

24 Hour Fitness Song of the Day:

get me off
i'm your bomb getting ready to explode
i need you to get me off
be your slave do anything i'm told

chorus:
i'm a sex shooter
shootin love in your direction
i'm a sex shooter
lemme treat that erection
come on kiss the gun
guaranteed for fun

I need you to pull my trigger baby
i can't do it alone
i need you to be my main play thing pillar of stone

no girls body can compete with mine
no girls rap can top my lines
no girls kiss can ring your chimes
come on boy lets make some time

yeah, I made up that fourth line in the chorus... supposed to be something about "affection". This is an actual song by the group Apollonia (album: Apollonia 6). Had to do some research to find this song, but not much. Apparently, "sex shooting" isn't a very popular topic among song writers.

Oh yeah, and I went to Vallco to pick up this board game... at the store this guy snared me in to learning this game he was trying to sell me... after about 5 minutes of playing and neither of us making any progress, he says to me, "For a person that's never played before, you are quite the worthy adversary." Had a funny feeling that he talked like that all the time... heh... Maybe he went easy on me just so he could use that line. Ooh, or maybe he had come up with it early that morning on the way to work and had been saving it all day to use it on someone and went through the trouble of teaching me the game just so I could play him so he could use that line on me. Or not. But then again, he didn't seem like he was enjoying himself, and I certainly wasn't. Funny how we were both kinda wasting our time but yet couldn't seem to bring ourselves to just stop playing; I felt obligated to play because I felt bad that he had gone to all that trouble to explain the game and he was just doing his job, and he probably felt like he should finish the game since I was a customer. Well, whatever...
02:23 |

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11.16.2002

Aya wrote about something that reminded me of a thought I had before, and was also kinda echoed on a CD I've been listening to... regarding people pulling their own weight. This actually goes back to a "theory" me and Chris worked on over some 40s on a friday or saturday night sometime last year; a pseudo-dissertation, if you will. It actually really started with a conversation I had with my roommate while we were trying to burn some time/venting while sitting in p.o.s. LA. traffic. Anyway, just about how crowded L.A. was (stating the obvious and/or understatement) and maybe that was the reason angelinos were such assholes. It's like no one has room to breathe... no personal space. We're subconciously putting ourselves in a position to be violated when we cram ourselves into tiny spaces, and then it manifests itself into a general sense of bitterness and competition with the person next to you, even though that person has done nothing to offend you (The highway kinda seems like a natural proving ground for one's self. Kinda makes me wonder if road rage would exist if there was no auto racing. Not bagging on NASCAR, just something to think about). Hmm... not doing a very good job of relating all of this. I hope it makes sense when I read it later on. Basically: overcrowding leads to competition which leads to survival instinct which leads to overcompensating relative to where society stands in this day and age. Eh. Not much better. One more try: back in the day, specializing in something was good if you were part of a group. It's a fact that you get more shit done. However, this requires coordinating and leadership which leads to class hierarchy which means some people are gonna be left with the shit work and some people are gonna sit back and take advantage of their elevated position. Weigh this against being eaten alive by wolves n shit and it made sense. Nowadays though, what's the fucking point? Are we gonna get eaten alive if we have to do laundry AND guard the village? Is there any more progress to be made? Damn my head is so cluttered right now. I've probably contradicted myself seventeen times by now.

Ok so finally here's how this relates to bitch ass customers in restaurants: it's like no one knows how to do shit for themselves anymore. You get these stuck up people that can afford to spend their money and they think they can treat other people like shit. If they just realized what it's like to have that kind of job they'd have a little bit more respect. The end.

There's another aspect to all that overcrowding stuff that I was talking about before, which is lack of accountability when the chance that you'll run into the same fucker that cut you off on the freeway is virtually nil... so why should they give a fuck? and that's why they do it. But it's way too late for more thinking...

Oh yeah, did some clean up and rearranging... added some links. Hope someone noticed!
04:12 |

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11.11.2002

Some things I forgot to put down yesterday... I don't know if I could go into a bookstore to browse and come out before closing. I never knew there were so many books! Books about sex, sociology, sex, witchcraft, sex, current affairs, sex, etc. (funny too, how the sex section was kinda next to self-help ~haha!~ and the children's books ~eh...uh oh~ ). Can't help but be suspicious of all that crap on display in the very front of the store though... kinda reminds me of the "top 20 always on sale" shit CDs at music stores. Since I don't read that much, I can't really tell what's good and what's bad. Moving on...

Am I the only one that is mean to my family members? I noticed that when I talk to my parents or my sister, it's more often an argument or animated debate than not. I noticed that none of us can end a conversation without having said the last word. What a terrible, terrible, trite and immature habit to have. Ironic, too, that it's usually all about a bad habit that one of us has. I hope that this isn't just a result of having lived with them all for so long. I wouldn't want to be doing this shit with my live-in girlfriend/wife. I hope it's more of a subconscious desire to help better the people you care about. After all, if you can't be straight-up and blunt with family, who can you be blunt with? I've been making a conscious effort to say the words, "Yes, you are right. I am wrong," when I am the person at fault. Hopefully it will rub off. But then again, my parents are pretty damn old, and pretty damn set in their ways.

On the job front: there's this new guy in our dept that's in on a rotation. Normally I don't go out of my way to bag on or talk shit about people, especially when they haven't tried to offend me intentionally, but this guy is offending me... a lot! He makes me never, ever, EVER want to visit miami. He makes me ashamed of the fact that I have a penis. He has cemented my feelings that Will Smith (post Fresh Prince era) is a fuckin jackass. Since I am almost sure that he will serve as my scapegoat for the next month or so, I will just give him a nickname -- PB [insert the "A Current Affair" theme]... the pretty boy

sorry,Gohnods. Don't mean to cramp your writing style, but I just really needed the music cue...
23:44 |

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11.10.2002

Man... I've got all these things to write down. It's been a big day for me thoughts-wise:

I keep trying to remind myself how much school sucked because I find myself thinking more and more how great it was to be a student. I tell myself, "hey dipshit, remember midterms and finals? remember how you were totally spoiled and dependent?" But fuck man! at least I had some quality time to spend with myself. And though that came out wrong I must say that that aspect isn't completely untrue either. hmm.. i should reprioritize. And that... I HATE that... I hate when I use p.o.s. corporate buzzwords. It's like they're burrowing their way into my brain and tainting my personality. Slowly but surely taking hold of my being... Ah shit, got off track. So why is the grass always greener? Am I doomed to be ever discontent? Actually, the fact that it's a proverb forces me to rethink my question. Why are we all doomed to be discontent with what we have? What the hell is the matter with everybody?!? The more I thought about going back to school, and the more I had to remind myself that that isn't what I want, the more I realized how much I disliked everything about what I'm doing now, even though it's what I thought I wanted and looked forward to doing when I wasn't doing it. Feel free to go back and read that one again. Damn, why can't I just be satisfied? Is a rewarding job and a sense of accomplishment too much to ask for? Or am I right to not want to settle for what I'm not happy with?

SUBquestion (a la jack black, high fidelity):
Am I just a product of a give-me-more-of-what-I-want-faster-now-instant-gratification society?

It feels like my life is a series of extremes, and not just two extremes, but many different facets. I know it's important it is to balance everything, and to keep yourself in check, but -- well I don't have a but, but whatever. Really lame but I think appropriate analogy: It's like happiness is the hole at a top of a hill at a putt-putt golf course and I'm always either trying to fight my way to the top or falling down the other side. Ok, that's enough of the heavy shit. On to lighter, pinker thoughts...

I'm eventually gonna add some links to places I like to eat at. Why? Cuz food kicks ass! Here's a listing just for now:
* Pizz'a Chicago (Lunch Special: Personal "Air Jordan" pizza (garlic, tomato, and basil), house salad with italian dressing on the side, and a Coke)
* Chipotle (Four crunchy taco combo: black beans, no rice, pico de gallo, guac, sour cream on the side, and a Coke)
* Hobee's (Coffee, Blissful browns add tomatoes easy on the cheese, super veggie scramble with a blueberry coffecake)
* Baja Fresh (Two taco combo plate with black beans, pico de gallo and baja salsa, and a coke)
* In-N-Out (veggie burger, two fries, and a coke). Slipping in popularity but still good once in a while
*sigh*... I've been spending so much money on food lately. Who the fuck spends $20 on breakfast?! I did. Fucking hell...

23:41 |

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11.05.2002

*sigh*... goh's done it again... how does he DO IT?!
Background vocals... I say goddamn!!

here's a link: Miss Pigeontoed
and one to all his songs if you missed it before

Goh, lemme know if you need some more server space... I ain't using mine.

In other news: I hope I'm not getting sick. That would suck. I thought I was sick before and had passed the worst of it (a two hour span of sneezing and blowing my nose) but my friend said, "you ass. that was probably allergies."

Good point.

So yeah, I feel weak... been sleeping a lot. It's hard to get up in the morning. I've already gone through my burnout phase so it can't be that... gotta look up some more illnesses for my hypochondriatic izzass. I'll try to find something more interesting to write about tomorrow... or i'll make something up.
22:14 |

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11.03.2002

I like:

* the smell of firewood burning in the morning
* when you are following another car on Via Monte and the leaves on the ground fly around like in the car commercials
* to say 'autumn'

Man, if days were long in autumn like they are in summer, it'd be my favorite season by far. But things being as they are, summer is a close second.

Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to write about yesterday: on the plane back to SJC, I was sitting next to a talkative lady. She didn't bother me and was actually quite pleasant and good at talking about nothing... until she started talking about her flight down to LA during which she met an "extremely intelligent" and very "well-spoken" japanese girl and how it was a "shame" that I wasn't on that flight too so that she could "fix us up". [ 5 second pause ]. What the FUCK?!?! Am I wearing a sign that says I need fixing?! I swear this happens way too much to me... not that it happens all the time, but more than to other guys, I'm sure. I should probably make it clear that previous to this comment I had made no mention of whether or not I was "single". After that I pretended to be paying attention to her but was actually trying to figure out a good reason to need to take my computer to the lavatory so I could just stay there for the rest of the flight.

But you know, you should never be mean to anyone on the plane. Why? Because there's always gonna be that long wait for everyone to get off the plane, and you can't really pretend you are asleep cuz the lights are on and everyone's talking, and then there's the long walk up the jetway, where the two of you are playing the game of who's gonna walk ahead and who's gonna lag behind, but not that it matters, because there will always be the baggage claim, where your bag will always come out right next to theirs. Yes, miss talk-a-lot-about-nothing-matchmaker, we'll always have the baggage claim.
14:51 |

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11.02.2002

So I finally have a lot of shit to write about, but just because it's been so fuckin long since I last wrote... A convoluted but chronological account of the past week or so:

Let's start with last friday: Got on the plane to L.A. and man, was it packed. Luckily I found a seat between two other smallish asian dudes. I think one was touristy guy and the other was some wannabe entreprenueurial playa. How do I know this? Because of my totally unfounded detective-ing talents. The touristy guy: pulled a banana out of his backpack (among some other foods) and ate it. Didn't talk much. Slept most of the way. Therefore, he was a tourist. Don't interrupt, I'm telling the story goddammit. Wannabe playa: kept trying to talk to me while I was trying to work/get drunk. Had a strong tendency to keep pushing his sleeves up to show off his watch and kept bringing up his "consulting firm". Had the handwriting of a five year old. Ha ha on him. Stop! Two words: drink coupons. At first I didn't think I should because the cabin already had a stench of drunken business travelers who had been hanging out at the Gordon Biersch in the terminal, but then decided to because I figured: a. the plane already smelled like shit and b. can't think of the other reason but whatever. Had me a gin and tonic to keep from falling behind my friends who were supposed to pick me up at the airport. Coincidentally, I found out they were having shots of Tanqueray (shudder). Got the apartment and tried to catch up. Left the apartment and forgot how we got back, as well as what went on for the rest of the night. Fuzzy memory of puking into a bag. Woke up on the bathroom floor, but under and blanket and and top of a pillow (thanks guys!). Saw pictures of the night before in which for some reason I was half-naked. Fucking hell, I thought I had passed that phase. Ok, cutting the LA story short cuz this is getting way too long and I'm not telling it very well. Thanks to my friends in EXPO309 for their hospitality!

fast forward to tuesday: saw Bowling for Columbine at the movie theater. Wow. A movie every American should see. An important thing I took from this movie (among many other things): how important it is to always think for yourself.

wednesday: saw Punch-Drunk Love starring Adam Sandler, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and the phenomenal Luiz Guzman. Really funny. Crazy score!

thursday: told my friend to go see Bowling for Columbine. An abridged transcript:
B: You gotta see this movie. It's a documentary on gun control.
J(1): Uh, pro or against gun control?
B: Against!
J(1): Uh, yeah, I dunno if that'll work too good.
B: Did you know you can buy ammo at Kmart in the midwest?
J(1) & J(2): Yeah.
B: Did you know you can buy gun ammo in barber shops in the midwest?
J(2): Cool! I was just at my barber's. I gotta tell her to start stocking bullets!
B: ...

At this point I was wishing I had a wall to bang my head against. I felt like I was talking to Beavis & Butthead. Then I realized the obvious. Man, people are really different. Reminded myself that it's ok not to agree with/get along with everybody.

friday: had lunch at Hobee's. I love that place! Makes me wanna have coffeecake and fried potatoes for dinner. Also had some acupuncture done. I'm afraid to learn about it now because I think I'd do it to myself everyday... just be walking around with needles stuck in me all the time. Fuuuuuuuuuuck, it was nice.

Happy Birthday Makiko!! By the way, if you don't see your birthday listed below please comment or email it to me
Jan 10, Jan 30, Feb 12, Apr 24, Sept 18, Nov 2. I'm trying sincerely to get better at this kind of thing.
16:29 |

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