|
|
|
|
|
|
|
b e n l y........
...............an outlet, of sorts
|
|
|
|
|
|
4.09.2012
You know how to tell you're gettin old? You find you prefer the Daily Show to the Colbert Report. While we are on the topic: Jon Stewart is genius.
I was thinking back to the times back when I was first using this thing. I'm pretty sure I was using a CRT screen. My, how times have changed. With this renaissance, I'm rearranging the furniture in this old place.
So, what else is on my mind? Loneliness. Loneliness and depression. Wish I had chipper things to write about, really. I went for a short run today. Thought I'd start before the storm moved in tomorrow. This time I actually did something when I thought of it rather than find every excuse to procrastinate. Didn't really feel better afterwards -- though I didn't feel worse, either. Took a bath, fell asleep in the tub. Epsom salt baths don't do shit.
Didn't actually feel much today until I had a couple of beers. Sad truth. Thanks Mr. Stewart, for contrasting adolescents' perception of Easter and Good Friday/Passover.
So yeah, loneliness. I got nobody. Feels like noobody has my back. Maybe that's why I get cold so easily. But this is the choice I made. Foregoing the drama of a relationship; choosing to the weather the sea of solitude rather than the tumultuous tornado of twat. Wow, I think I just learned to appreciate the value of a well-placed alliteration. Still reeks of cheese. And it still feels like I'm going to cry.
20:42 |
* * *
4.08.2012
It is 2012. I'm turning 33 this year. I'm sitting here drunk, slightly stoned, and just now realized that I, of all people, should be blogging. I got no one to talk to, so I should afford myself some kind of outlet for my thoughts & emotions. That's a fancy way of saying "thoughts & feelings". After all, your emotions are something that you feel. Anyway, I need an outlet. This blog constitutes my means.
Cool that this thing is still here. Can't remember the last time I posted. Never really felt like I could spill my guts before, but I feel that by now, the internet is sufficiently large enough so that chances are someone who might stumble upon this blog will not know me personally.
=)
OK, so thoughts as they come. Writing really lent itself as a medium for humans to make a written record of their lives. This, after all, is common instinctual behavior that is observed in individuals aware that death is imminent.
I just realized I take in much more that I put out; this is mirrored in my physiology. Maybe contributing to this blog on a regular basis will help smooth me out.
OK, so this whole thing tonight started with me feeling neglected, forgotten. That goes back to me feeling bummed out the last few months, which goes back to me feeling like shit this past winter, which goes back to me not getting shit done last year, which goes back to me feeling even more fucked up the winter before last, which goes back to "the breakup" with Amy, [hahah, inadvertently spelled her name wrong] which goes back to relationship problems, which goes back to me being obsessive, which goes back to me not being able to let go and open up, which brings me back full circle, hopefully. I'd like to think that I've gotten over all the childhood shit that I can remember. But I guess the fact that I remember it indicates the contrary. Oh well, we'll have to get to that another night. Getting sidetracked to easily tonight.
So I didn't spill my guts before because I knew people were reading. Now I'm pretty sure no one is, so I can write more freely. I feel like I'm drifting from all my friendships. I no longer feel particularly connected to anyone in anymore. OK, just put some McLachlan on. Here come the water works.
I thought of a good txt abbreviation for heartbroken:
01:34 |
|
|
|
|
